[ She hooks their pinkies together, just watching him. “Not bad” in Aqua speak, she’s learned, is really code for “it’s pretty bad and I don’t want to admit it outright.”
Ai… his mother. He’s talked before about how Kamiki killed her, about his revenge for her on his father.
Throwing her own nervous embarrassment to the wind, she shifts her arms and opens them to gather him up close, if he’ll let her. ]
Then tell me about them, instead. About Ruby, and Ai. Your family. I want to know.
[Oh. He wasn't expecting... well, he doesn't know what he was expecting. If he's ever been held by anyone in bed like this--anyone who wasn't Ai, cradling her babies to sleep--it was at least twenty years ago. Despite Ruby's assumptions, Amamiya Gorou was never popular. He'd lived a quiet, solitary life out of his grandparents' house in Takachiho.
This is new to him, too. His heart beats faster in his ears, insisting, again, that he recognize its vitality. That he remember he's alive.]
[He shifts carefully onto his side, letting Lortel get her arms around him if that's what she wants, and reaches up himself to lift some of her hair from her cheek.]
...Ruby... [he begins,] ...is a bright and pure-hearted girl. It's her lifelong dream to be an idol--to sing, dance, and be loved by the crowd. To shine on stage like the idols she saw sparkling when her life was at its darkest and most hopeless. She never thinks with her head-- [he notes with some brotherly rue,] --but she puts her whole heart into everything.
I think... she'll be fine. She's surrounded by people who love her, and they'll hold her until she finds her feet again. She was always the stronger of the two of us.
[That's what Aqua tells himself, anyway. That Ruby is strong. That she'll recover the way he never could.]
Ai...
[He falters, then reaches under his pillow to retrieve a keychain, which he offers to Lortel.]
Ai was the center of our universe. Even before we were her children, we were her most devoted fans.
[ It is what she wants. She gathers him up, one arm sliding beneath his shoulders and the other resting over his waist. They’re … very close, like this … but she finds she’s more comfortable than she expected. When he touches her cheek, she smiles that enamored, adoring smile only he gets to see. ]
She sounds amazing, [ she comments softly, picking up mostly on Aqua’s clear admiration for his sister. It’s cute. Cute, and heartbreaking. ]
She will be. [ is it a beautiful lie? maybe, but she also wants—needs—to believe it. ] It’s impossible to imagine such a sweet and lovely girl being alone.
[ the keychain…
She takes it, a look of soft, sad wonder on her face. he has a memento of hers. she has nothing of her parents but miserable memories. How rare and precious a thing. She handles it like it is the most delicate glass. ]
You were a fan of her before you died the first time, hm? [ pause ] … wait. Ruby, too? She… died, and got reincarnated like you did?
[Normally, getting Aqua to speak is like pulling teeth. Now, even though the words are as muted as usual, they keep coming. Lortel looks at him, and he keeps talking.]
Mmm. Her name was Sarina-chan. Tendouji Sarina. She was a patient at the hospital where I worked. ...That keychain was originally hers.
[It's so old, now. It's been through so much.]
I was the only one there for her, at the end. She was twelve.
[That keychain lay forgotten with his corpse for longer than Sarina was alive.]
I started following Ai's career as a sort of tribute to Sarina-chan. My way of remembering her, I guess. Of course, I fell for Ai's charms on their own merit, too. She was... there's never been another idol quite like her. Someone who could turn cuteness up to a thousand and dazzle the world... all while hiding how much that world had hurt her, how afraid it made her that she was unlovable. Incapable of loving in return.
[He breathes in. Breathes out.]
Neither Sarina-chan nor I ever knew a parent's love as deep and real as Ai's. I'm sure of that.
[ How strange. What a truly strange life he’s led.
As he talks, she becomes hyper aware of the keychain she’s still holding. What it means. After a moment, and with a small smile, she carefully slides it under his (their?) pillow.
Then she takes the hand that was over his waist and reaches up to touch him instead. Without real thought or intent; she brushes his hair out of his eyes, skates her thumb over his cheekbone.
What a strange and precious thing he is. He loves so fiercely and so selflessly. It feels, a little bit, like he loves not for his own sake, but for the sake of others around him. To make them happy, safe, strong, protected.
In the end, she can’t help but quietly think to herself that his presence is so minimal in all the stories he tells of his own life.
And once he’s done—once he breathes—she tilts her chin so she can press a kiss right between his eyes, tender and soft. ]
You and your family have been through so much. [ What else can she say? It’s so fantastical. Two fans of the same—whatever an idol is, in his world, though she thinks she gets the gist. Two fans who came together at very different stages of life, and both were reborn to the woman they so admired. Adored, even.
How truly, amazingly strange it is. ]
I can’t say I totally understand. Or … it’s more that it simply sounds impossible, though of course I believe you.
[ She thinks about him, about his unwavering faith in her. Or if not faith, simply the steadfastness to stay by her side even despite all her scheming and meddling and manipulating.
What gift can she possibly give him in return for his kindness other than her own faith in him? ]
I’d have liked to meet them. Your sister and your mother. [ her expression crinkles. ] I’m sure I could make the whole world see their charms~
[ a bit of a joke. a bit of the truth. it’s hard to let go a lifetime of chasing financial opportunities.
—all while hiding how much that world had hurt her, how afraid it made her that she was unlovable. Incapable of loving in return.
Her smile dims. She wonders if he realizes how aptly he described himself. ]
I like you, Aqua, [ she tells him, and preemptively presses a fingertip to his lips to forestall any protests. ] And for once in my life, that’s not a deal, or an opportunity. I’m not expecting reciprocation… ha, what a strange thing for me to say.
[ her arm goes back over his waist, and she tucks into him. ]
I just like you. I like everything that makes you who you are.
[She cuts him off before he can say anything, though he starts to open his mouth to do so. The warmth of her lips between his eyes lingers. Who's ever treated him with such sweetness, like he's a child to indulge with no motivating expectation of return, since Ai was taken from him?
Not so long ago, he'd looked at the camera, at his father behind it, and lied with everything he had.
'I won't love anyone. If someone loves me, they won't get anything back.'
Kamiki saw through it, of course, but Aqua can't say he wasn't more than half-convinced himself. He can't say he's done any good for anyone, truly, out of the kindness of his heart, in either of the two lifetimes he's lived.
And still, Lortel holds him like he's something valuable to protect. Tells him she likes everything that he is, when he couldn't name one aspect of himself that isn't borrowed to fill a gap.
He swallows, then lifts his own hand to stroke Lortel's long, bright hair. He doesn't know how to respond to her feelings; she's made it clear he doesn't have to respond at all.
He does keep talking, then. He tells her more about what Ai was like--what he remembers her being like--for the four short years he knew her. He tells her about Miyako and Director Gotanda; about balancing school life, his entertainment career, and searching for his and Ruby's father; he tells her about the revived B-Komachi and how far they soared, all the way to the dome concert his mother didn't survive to see. He even tells her about Kana and Akane, if she's still awake. Aqua keeps talking in his warm, longing, quiet voice until he's sure Lortel's asleep.
Then he holds her. Wonders what he can do for her, this brilliant and strangely unselfish creature who's decided he's one of hers. He thinks about the warm weight of her in his arms until he, too, finally drops off.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Ai… his mother. He’s talked before about how Kamiki killed her, about his revenge for her on his father.
Throwing her own nervous embarrassment to the wind, she shifts her arms and opens them to gather him up close, if he’ll let her. ]
Then tell me about them, instead. About Ruby, and Ai. Your family. I want to know.
1/2
This is new to him, too. His heart beats faster in his ears, insisting, again, that he recognize its vitality. That he remember he's alive.]
2/2
...Ruby... [he begins,] ...is a bright and pure-hearted girl. It's her lifelong dream to be an idol--to sing, dance, and be loved by the crowd. To shine on stage like the idols she saw sparkling when her life was at its darkest and most hopeless. She never thinks with her head-- [he notes with some brotherly rue,] --but she puts her whole heart into everything.
I think... she'll be fine. She's surrounded by people who love her, and they'll hold her until she finds her feet again. She was always the stronger of the two of us.
[That's what Aqua tells himself, anyway. That Ruby is strong. That she'll recover the way he never could.]
Ai...
[He falters, then reaches under his pillow to retrieve a keychain, which he offers to Lortel.]
Ai was the center of our universe. Even before we were her children, we were her most devoted fans.
no subject
She sounds amazing, [ she comments softly, picking up mostly on Aqua’s clear admiration for his sister. It’s cute. Cute, and heartbreaking. ]
She will be. [ is it a beautiful lie? maybe, but she also wants—needs—to believe it. ] It’s impossible to imagine such a sweet and lovely girl being alone.
[ the keychain…
She takes it, a look of soft, sad wonder on her face. he has a memento of hers. she has nothing of her parents but miserable memories. How rare and precious a thing. She handles it like it is the most delicate glass. ]
You were a fan of her before you died the first time, hm? [ pause ] … wait. Ruby, too? She… died, and got reincarnated like you did?
cw: child death
Mmm. Her name was Sarina-chan. Tendouji Sarina. She was a patient at the hospital where I worked. ...That keychain was originally hers.
[It's so old, now. It's been through so much.]
I was the only one there for her, at the end. She was twelve.
[That keychain lay forgotten with his corpse for longer than Sarina was alive.]
I started following Ai's career as a sort of tribute to Sarina-chan. My way of remembering her, I guess. Of course, I fell for Ai's charms on their own merit, too. She was... there's never been another idol quite like her. Someone who could turn cuteness up to a thousand and dazzle the world... all while hiding how much that world had hurt her, how afraid it made her that she was unlovable. Incapable of loving in return.
[He breathes in. Breathes out.]
Neither Sarina-chan nor I ever knew a parent's love as deep and real as Ai's. I'm sure of that.
no subject
As he talks, she becomes hyper aware of the keychain she’s still holding. What it means. After a moment, and with a small smile, she carefully slides it under his (their?) pillow.
Then she takes the hand that was over his waist and reaches up to touch him instead. Without real thought or intent; she brushes his hair out of his eyes, skates her thumb over his cheekbone.
What a strange and precious thing he is. He loves so fiercely and so selflessly. It feels, a little bit, like he loves not for his own sake, but for the sake of others around him. To make them happy, safe, strong, protected.
In the end, she can’t help but quietly think to herself that his presence is so minimal in all the stories he tells of his own life.
And once he’s done—once he breathes—she tilts her chin so she can press a kiss right between his eyes, tender and soft. ]
You and your family have been through so much. [ What else can she say? It’s so fantastical. Two fans of the same—whatever an idol is, in his world, though she thinks she gets the gist. Two fans who came together at very different stages of life, and both were reborn to the woman they so admired. Adored, even.
How truly, amazingly strange it is. ]
I can’t say I totally understand. Or … it’s more that it simply sounds impossible, though of course I believe you.
[ She thinks about him, about his unwavering faith in her. Or if not faith, simply the steadfastness to stay by her side even despite all her scheming and meddling and manipulating.
What gift can she possibly give him in return for his kindness other than her own faith in him? ]
I’d have liked to meet them. Your sister and your mother. [ her expression crinkles. ] I’m sure I could make the whole world see their charms~
[ a bit of a joke. a bit of the truth. it’s hard to let go a lifetime of chasing financial opportunities.
—all while hiding how much that world had hurt her, how afraid it made her that she was unlovable. Incapable of loving in return.
Her smile dims. She wonders if he realizes how aptly he described himself. ]
I like you, Aqua, [ she tells him, and preemptively presses a fingertip to his lips to forestall any protests. ] And for once in my life, that’s not a deal, or an opportunity. I’m not expecting reciprocation… ha, what a strange thing for me to say.
[ her arm goes back over his waist, and she tucks into him. ]
I just like you. I like everything that makes you who you are.
no subject
Not so long ago, he'd looked at the camera, at his father behind it, and lied with everything he had.
'I won't love anyone. If someone loves me, they won't get anything back.'
Kamiki saw through it, of course, but Aqua can't say he wasn't more than half-convinced himself. He can't say he's done any good for anyone, truly, out of the kindness of his heart, in either of the two lifetimes he's lived.
And still, Lortel holds him like he's something valuable to protect. Tells him she likes everything that he is, when he couldn't name one aspect of himself that isn't borrowed to fill a gap.
He swallows, then lifts his own hand to stroke Lortel's long, bright hair. He doesn't know how to respond to her feelings; she's made it clear he doesn't have to respond at all.
So instead, he asks softly:]
...Want me to keep talking until you fall asleep?
[He can do that, for her.]
no subject
1/2
2/2
He does keep talking, then. He tells her more about what Ai was like--what he remembers her being like--for the four short years he knew her. He tells her about Miyako and Director Gotanda; about balancing school life, his entertainment career, and searching for his and Ruby's father; he tells her about the revived B-Komachi and how far they soared, all the way to the dome concert his mother didn't survive to see. He even tells her about Kana and Akane, if she's still awake. Aqua keeps talking in his warm, longing, quiet voice until he's sure Lortel's asleep.
Then he holds her. Wonders what he can do for her, this brilliant and strangely unselfish creature who's decided he's one of hers. He thinks about the warm weight of her in his arms until he, too, finally drops off.]