That's right. Lortel does have a use for him, doesn't she? For a second, the look on her face shuts out the howling futility all around him. She's right here, a scared, unhappy girl, trying to comfort him because she needs him.
His hand starts to move, beneath hers. Stops.]
...Is that okay? [For the first time, beneath those deep layers of exhaustion and dry calm, an alive and desperate boy is looking at Lortel through Aqua's eyes.] I'm... I'm using you, too, you know.
[Using her as a reason to live. Even if it's temporary. Even if it's just for now.]
He lets go of the blanket and, without turning his hand, threads his fingers through hers. He holds on to her instead of the bed, burying his face in his other hand. His back shudders.]
...Then promise... that I won't have to see you die. I need to hear that, Lortel. I'm not... I can't. You have to survive.
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That's right. Lortel does have a use for him, doesn't she? For a second, the look on her face shuts out the howling futility all around him. She's right here, a scared, unhappy girl, trying to comfort him because she needs him.
His hand starts to move, beneath hers. Stops.]
...Is that okay? [For the first time, beneath those deep layers of exhaustion and dry calm, an alive and desperate boy is looking at Lortel through Aqua's eyes.] I'm... I'm using you, too, you know.
[Using her as a reason to live. Even if it's temporary. Even if it's just for now.]
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Don’t leave.
[ Everyone uses her. Everyone has a use for her. He’s no different in that regard.
Let him. As long as he doesn’t leave her… as long as he stays… ]
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A tear or two escapes now.
He lets go of the blanket and, without turning his hand, threads his fingers through hers. He holds on to her instead of the bed, burying his face in his other hand. His back shudders.]
...Then promise... that I won't have to see you die. I need to hear that, Lortel. I'm not... I can't. You have to survive.
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Selfishly, she decides to promise him the impossible anyway. ]
We’ll both survive. That’s what I’ve decided.
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Holding her hand still, Aqua takes a deep, shuddering breath, and nods.
After a while, he gathers himself enough to admit quietly:]
I saw my mother murdered. That's... part of why this is hitting me so hard.
[That and the blot. Thanks for NOTHING, Kingscholar.]
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Hah. I don’t even know why I’m telling you that. It’s …
[ … ]
You don’t need to be excused, [ she explains. He doesn’t have to share, if he doesn’t want. ]
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Finally, he murmurs:]
I'm all right now.
[As all right as either of them can be, really.]
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… but what can any of us do except act? [ this is more musing, almost as if to herself. ]
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We survive on pretty fictions just like that.
[He still has her hand. He gives her fingers a small squeeze and then loosens his grip so she can pull free.]
I'll be all right.
[Even that's a lie--but if he's lying, that means he's willing to try to live by it.]
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… I’ll hold you to that, you know.
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Fine. Keep me honest, Lortel.
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Mm. I’ll do my best.